My Diary 14.

Today I have been a transported baby. Daddy took me to the previously mentioned car boot sale where I received several new toys including a xylophone. Next I played with Mummy before travelling to church in my bicycle seat. Daddy didn't pedal hard enough so I had to kick him in the back. Fwah hah hah. My friend T was in church so we played together. Most unfairly I had the seat side of the pew so he had it much easier when it came to dropping toys and making a noise. Eventually I persuaded Mummy to take me to drive the Church Ferrari. One choc chip biscuit and lots of admiration later it was back into the bike seat and zoming home. I passed T being wheeled home in his buggy and gave him a lordly wobble of the head.

All that fresh air made me tired so I napped till lunch (fruit cocktail and a yoghurt) then embarked on a strenuous play session with Mummy and Daddy. Wore Mummy out so went for a buggy ride to the park. Played on the swings then droped off on the way home.

Not sure what's going to happen about bedtime yet. Surely they can't be thinking of cancelling my breast privileges altogether. No. That would never happen.

In summary: today I've ridden in a car, a cute car, on a bike and in my buggy. A wheely good day so far. (That, fellow babies, is called a pun.)

Weaning Tactics

Fellow babies. As you are no doubt aware there comes a time when parents are no longer happy just to offer "the white stuff". They start to try to vary your diet, to offer things to put into your mouth and swallow. If taken to the absurd conclusion this might lead to you not requiring milk at all. Of course this is unlikely to happen to any reasonably strong-minded baby but the possibility is there. This substitution, this adulteration is called weaning and it must be stopped.

"But how?" I hear you cry. My dear comrades in nappy wearing I give to you Weaning Tactics 101.

I have obtained a top secret Adult tactics manual - Baby Taming by Peter Mayle. In it he describes several effective resistance methods. Obtain a copy of this, read, learn and inwardly digest.

I have developed a further method; I call it "Seemingly Helpful". Take control of the spoon and wave it close to your face. Firstly this prevents further recharging of the spoon. It also prevents transfer of ejected food from your outside - where it should be - to your mouth - where it shouldn't be. If done cutely enough your parents will be willing to play along. This method can be extended, literally, in what I call "Flicking Food". Again take control of the spoon. This time make sure that you have some food in the bowl, catch it in your mouth briefly then let go. Voila! Projectile baby mush.

Try these - resistance is not futile.

Good suckling fellow babies.

My Diary 4.

Many apologies for the recent hiatus - I have been extremely busy. On Sunday I tried mashed potato, mashed swede and ice-cream (mint Vienetta). I liked the mashed potato but all the others soon reappeared. I have also been fed Heinz Baby breakfast. Blech.

I have continued to investigate the round objects. Apparently they are called rusks. If sucked for long enough then they are edible although not as good as breast milk. They also have a slightly soporific effect - I have missed my 4am feed twice in the past three days.

Granny and Grandad came by for a visit yesterday. As you would expect I overwhelmed them with my charm. The also commented favourably on my hair - now in fluffy mohican mode; my strength; my smile; my standing and my general adorability. They brought me a hat. What ever happened to the extra breast for Mummy? I was not impressed by the plastic booby that Daddy tried to fob me off with last week.

I went to Baby swimming with Mummy on Monday and today went to the pool with Mummy, Daddy and sister. I have a pair of very stylish kicky legs and am getting the hang of the splashing thing.