Sunday, 4 May 2008

Weaning Tactics

Fellow babies. As you are no doubt aware there comes a time when parents are no longer happy just to offer "the white stuff". They start to try to vary your diet, to offer things to put into your mouth and swallow. If taken to the absurd conclusion this might lead to you not requiring milk at all. Of course this is unlikely to happen to any reasonably strong-minded baby but the possibility is there. This substitution, this adulteration is called weaning and it must be stopped.

"But how?" I hear you cry. My dear comrades in nappy wearing I give to you Weaning Tactics 101.

I have obtained a top secret Adult tactics manual - Baby Taming by Peter Mayle. In it he describes several effective resistance methods. Obtain a copy of this, read, learn and inwardly digest.

I have developed a further method; I call it "Seemingly Helpful". Take control of the spoon and wave it close to your face. Firstly this prevents further recharging of the spoon. It also prevents transfer of ejected food from your outside - where it should be - to your mouth - where it shouldn't be. If done cutely enough your parents will be willing to play along. This method can be extended, literally, in what I call "Flicking Food". Again take control of the spoon. This time make sure that you have some food in the bowl, catch it in your mouth briefly then let go. Voila! Projectile baby mush.

Try these - resistance is not futile.

Good suckling fellow babies.

1 comment:

phillipaj said...

That's my nephew!