My Diary 8.

Baby swimming today - I am getting the hang of the reaching forwards with the arms and was complimented on my "swimming" through the underwater hoop. This actually involves a firm push to the rear end but none the less the instructress complimented me on my swimming. Does this bode well for future careers I ask myself.

Knackered. Fed in changing room then slept in car. Woke up in sitting room.

Mummy, Daddy and I then went to a fete. The sun was shining and I was in my baby sling and wearing a jacket (I have finally grown out of my fluffy suits). I grew quite hot and was relieved when I was taken into the park for a sit down (stand up in my case). I noticed that a shape sorter was purchased for me. This rattles in an interesting way but is rather hard to suck.

In the afternoon I did some serious squirming and almost rolling onto my front. This exhausted me so I needed a restorative feed and power nap. I then woke up feeling cuter than ever.

More gym work - my arm keeps on getting stuck under me - then time for dinner. Starting to feel like the "Very Hungry Caterpillar". I ate a whole rusk, some avocado (not impressed by avocado) and finished the pot of Heinz Strawberry, peach and cream dessert. I washed down this impressive banquet with two breasts full of milk. Following this I produced my first post solids nappy. One face wash and complete change of clothes later it was time for bed.

Sleep well fellow babies.

Posing

Though I say it myself I looked extremely cute. I was standing on Mummy's knees; beautifully balanced I was almost holding myself up. I was certainly only requiring minimal support. The late afternoon sun hit my right cheek lighting up my hair 'til it looked like spun gold. My eyes shone deep sapphire, my smile was so wide that my face almost looked rectangular.

Then I just had to posset.

In a projectile manner.

Sorry Mummy.

My Diary 7.

Breakfasted on a banana and plenty of milk. Church this morning. Held out until the sermon but then needed to feed all through the peace. Such is life. Coffee and admiration afterwards then I was brutally changed into a Mickey Mouse outfit - dungarees and a top and hurried into the chair of doom and driven off to catch a boat.

Met up with Cool Auntie and permitted her to hold and talk to me. After the boat ride we took the train then walked up to Great Aunt's house. More people to play with me. The party was for my Great Granddad; I had carefully drooled on a card for him earlier this week. I was rather upset when everybody shouted "Surprise" and let off party poppers but Mummy hugged me back to happy again. I had a good chat with Great Granddad and was hugged by Great Grandma and my Godmother plus sundry other relations.

All too soon it was time to return to the boat - I slept on the train this time. I protested being stuck in my car seat but to no avail and eventually gave up in disgust and went to sleep.

I was woken by Mummy and fed a rusk - it is more fun when they are halved as they are then easier to eat - and some more Peach, Strawberry and Cream baby food. A final suckle then off to bed. Another busy day.

Weaning Tactics

Fellow babies. As you are no doubt aware there comes a time when parents are no longer happy just to offer "the white stuff". They start to try to vary your diet, to offer things to put into your mouth and swallow. If taken to the absurd conclusion this might lead to you not requiring milk at all. Of course this is unlikely to happen to any reasonably strong-minded baby but the possibility is there. This substitution, this adulteration is called weaning and it must be stopped.

"But how?" I hear you cry. My dear comrades in nappy wearing I give to you Weaning Tactics 101.

I have obtained a top secret Adult tactics manual - Baby Taming by Peter Mayle. In it he describes several effective resistance methods. Obtain a copy of this, read, learn and inwardly digest.

I have developed a further method; I call it "Seemingly Helpful". Take control of the spoon and wave it close to your face. Firstly this prevents further recharging of the spoon. It also prevents transfer of ejected food from your outside - where it should be - to your mouth - where it shouldn't be. If done cutely enough your parents will be willing to play along. This method can be extended, literally, in what I call "Flicking Food". Again take control of the spoon. This time make sure that you have some food in the bowl, catch it in your mouth briefly then let go. Voila! Projectile baby mush.

Try these - resistance is not futile.

Good suckling fellow babies.

Meet Cave Baby

I apologise for publishing this out of sequence - but you just can't get the staff nowadays.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, lived a baby. He and his Cave Mummy and Cave Daddy lived in a cave so he was called Cave Baby.

Cave Baby did all the things that now babies do. He gooed, laughed, played, ate and pooed. When he was a very little baby he had lovely soft rabbit fur lining for his leather outer nappy. As he grew bigger though Cave Mummy ran out of rabbit fur linings and he had to have dry grass instead. Cave Baby was not amused by this - dry grass was all scratchy on his bottom. Cave Daddy was also not amused by this - Cave Baby's dried grass seemed to get everywhere and although the only dry grass to make its way into his bed roll was clean; he pointed out to Cave Mummy that the next grass to end up there could be grotty used dry grass. Cave Mummy pointed out to Cave Daddy that Cave Baby was growing so fast that it was all she could do to keep him nicely clothed and the grotty grass went straight onto the fire anyway.

Cave Baby was growing so fast that Cave Mummy had to add extra length onto his sleeves and trousers. By the time that he was three months old she had done this several times and so Cave Baby had a ring effect on his sleeves. Cave Baby thought that this looked rather good although this didn't stop him possetting all down his front at least once a week.

Whenever Cave Baby had particularly bad nappy leak Cave Mummy would have to change his clothes. His best set would come off and he would be confined to bag in a shapeless leather sack - his second best clothes - until his other set was clean again. Cave Baby was born in winter and so he couldn't be left in the Sun to play as often there wasn't any. Cave Baby felt that he could quite well be tucked into Cave Mummy's top next to a breast but Cave Mummy disagreed as when Cave Baby was tucked in next to a breast she would have to use one arm to support him and this made doing other things quite difficult. Cave Baby disagreed but Cave Mummy said that she had the casting vote and where would Cave Baby poo if she couldn't go and gather dried grass for his nappy. Cave Baby suggested in Cave Daddy's bed roll but Cave Mummy said no dried grass was better.

Cave Baby's favourite pastime was feeding. He liked right breast milk and left breast milk but his favourite feed of all was mixing both breast milks. Sometimes he drank so much that he had to posset a bit up.

Cave Baby and Cave Mummy and Cave Daddy all loved one another very much and had lots of adventures that I'll tell you all about some other time.

My Diary 6.

Another day spreading cuteness.

Pleasant walk in the morning with a chance to zoom down a slide and go on a swing.

Mummy and Daddy thought that there was a barbecue on at their friends'. Fine by me as they do a very nice line in J adoration. There was a BBQ but not today - it's tomorrow. We stayed for tea and I admired the trampoline. Watching small children bounce on it.... hilarious. Mummy wouldn't let me have a go so I persuaded Daddy to throw me up in the air instead.

I then went for a carry along the beech I am told - I slept through this. All that laughing tired me out.

We then went to visit my Godfather. He is funny as well. He has an accent that is called "Scottish" apparently. I had some quality cuddles, tickles and conversations. I also practised my rolling. At the moment I can almost roll onto my side but my arm gets stuck. Cue a lot of swearing (in baby).

Home - rusk and a trial of a new baby food - strawberry and apple dessert - not too bad but I prefer milk. Glug, glug, glug. Milky good night.

My Diary 5.

Solid progress
Oof, stuffed baby. I ate almost all of one rusk, 1/3 of a banana and some mashed potato and topped this off with some breast milk. My little tummy feels pleasantly full.

People Pleasing
Always charm the returning officer. I was disappointed though that the "unlimited breast milk for babies party" wasn't represented.
I have been with Mummy to her dentist where I was complimented on my gummy grin.

Other activities
I have been getting through outfits at a rapid pace - rusks are great for this.
The GP reckons my cough could last for the next 5 weeks. Bother.