Saturday, 3 May 2008

Meet Cave Baby

I apologise for publishing this out of sequence - but you just can't get the staff nowadays.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, lived a baby. He and his Cave Mummy and Cave Daddy lived in a cave so he was called Cave Baby.

Cave Baby did all the things that now babies do. He gooed, laughed, played, ate and pooed. When he was a very little baby he had lovely soft rabbit fur lining for his leather outer nappy. As he grew bigger though Cave Mummy ran out of rabbit fur linings and he had to have dry grass instead. Cave Baby was not amused by this - dry grass was all scratchy on his bottom. Cave Daddy was also not amused by this - Cave Baby's dried grass seemed to get everywhere and although the only dry grass to make its way into his bed roll was clean; he pointed out to Cave Mummy that the next grass to end up there could be grotty used dry grass. Cave Mummy pointed out to Cave Daddy that Cave Baby was growing so fast that it was all she could do to keep him nicely clothed and the grotty grass went straight onto the fire anyway.

Cave Baby was growing so fast that Cave Mummy had to add extra length onto his sleeves and trousers. By the time that he was three months old she had done this several times and so Cave Baby had a ring effect on his sleeves. Cave Baby thought that this looked rather good although this didn't stop him possetting all down his front at least once a week.

Whenever Cave Baby had particularly bad nappy leak Cave Mummy would have to change his clothes. His best set would come off and he would be confined to bag in a shapeless leather sack - his second best clothes - until his other set was clean again. Cave Baby was born in winter and so he couldn't be left in the Sun to play as often there wasn't any. Cave Baby felt that he could quite well be tucked into Cave Mummy's top next to a breast but Cave Mummy disagreed as when Cave Baby was tucked in next to a breast she would have to use one arm to support him and this made doing other things quite difficult. Cave Baby disagreed but Cave Mummy said that she had the casting vote and where would Cave Baby poo if she couldn't go and gather dried grass for his nappy. Cave Baby suggested in Cave Daddy's bed roll but Cave Mummy said no dried grass was better.

Cave Baby's favourite pastime was feeding. He liked right breast milk and left breast milk but his favourite feed of all was mixing both breast milks. Sometimes he drank so much that he had to posset a bit up.

Cave Baby and Cave Mummy and Cave Daddy all loved one another very much and had lots of adventures that I'll tell you all about some other time.

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